The Year’s End… 

The last weekend of 2015 is upon us and as I reflect back over this past year, it has been one of changes.  It is a good time to reflect and compare the beginning of the year with the end.  Have I grown?  Have I improved?  Have I had fun?   I think yes to all three questions.

I am not one to make New Year’s resolutions but I do make a few goals.  Actually I limit them to five to not overwhelm myself.  And as my recent blog post, I took out the one goal that was a thinly disguised weight loss goal.  Well actually I trashed all of them and will need to rewrite them though they are similar each year.

One is to finish my degree program which I should graduate May 7.  One deals with my writing and publishing.  One is for inner peace and not letting things get to me so much.  One is a cycling goal where I strive for a particular number of miles to ride for the year.  Which leaves one goal open since I took out the one goal.  It’s like a bonus taking out the weight loss goal and giving myself the freedom to just be who I am.  So what might my new goal be?  Endless possibilities, right?

After the last almost 10 years of dealing with my mom’s three bouts with cancer, her death and the aftermath of deep grief, the light has returned.  The other day I saw one of those quizzes on FaceBook titled “What Friend Has Your Back?”  I usually do them and not post them too often, just more out of curiosity.  I figured it might be one of my daughters or one of my girlfriends who comment on my posts often and it would calculate it on the number of comments or likes I get from particular friends.  Except the answer stunned me.  My mom’s name came up and considering it’s been two years since she was probably even on FaceBook and she didn’t quite get the whole idea of it, I could only feel it was a divine intervention.

This I took as a sign and felt that it was as if my mom was trying to tell me that no matter what, even death, she was still here for me.  While I still miss her every day, I felt the veil of grief lift so I could feel the warmth of the sunlight on my face once again.  This Christmas was a happy occasion even though it was also her birthday.  We felt her with us, we kept some of our traditions but made new ones.  And for the first time in a very long time, I feel positive and uplifted and well, happy. Because I know that is what my mother would want.  Not me moping around, feeling sad and depressed.

A new year isn’t a magical antidote that fixes your life.  New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day is in reality, just another day.  Any day of the year can be a new start.  But it does give you a jumping off point to focus on a new goal or goals.   Though, you can set goals any day or take steps to a new project or improve yourself.  Though I think it’s important to love yourself just the way you are.  Losing weight isn’t the magic bullet.  Sure your life may change but it can’t fix a lot of things.  Or starting a new job might not be all it’s cracked up to be.  Examine your motivation.  If you think it will be the fairy dust that will make your dreams come true, you might want to step back and examine what it is you really want.

People jump from relationship to relationship or job to job or move from place to place searching for something elusive.  when the core issue is they just need to love and accept themselves, maybe speak up for themselves more or change their mindset or maybe just stop being a victim of your own choices.  Accepting responsiblity for your life isn’t easy.  Granted you can’t control everything such as a loved one’s death or your own health if a serious illness strikes, but you can choose what you do in the midst of your challenges.  Either you sit around and feel sorry for yourself or you find a way to thrive with whatever options you have available.

I’m excited about this next year.  There isn’t a magical rainbow promise but if I can meet my goals this year, that would make it great.  And if I don’t meet one or two of them, there is always next year or maybe I need to rethink the goal and adjust it.  My gift to myself this year is to accept myself right here and right now.  As well as being more accepting of others too.

Here’s to a wonderful next year of your life.  Many blessings for 2016!

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