The End is Near

The end is near,

Closing up another year.

A new beginning?

or a false promise?

Each day is what matters,

A new beginning is the dawn,

Awake and here is your newchance.

So, don’t be stupid,

Get out there and dance.

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The Depression Cure- 6 Week Check-In

If you have ever or do suffer from depression, you know what havoc this complete bitch can do to your life and your happiness. Six weeks ago, I found this TED talk by Dr. Stephen Ilardi and it has CHANGED my life (https://youtu.be/drv3BP0Fdi8). If Dr. Ilardi had a fan club, I would join, he is my hero. Yes, my hero is a profession at the University of Kansas. Thank you, Dr. Ilardi, from the bottom of my heart. I’m totally going to write him a fan letter when I finish this blog post.

After watching his TED talk, I researched some of the six steps he outlines in his book, The Depression Cure. The one I started doing that very day was taking Omega 3’s as he suggests in his book, but I messed up and was only taking half the recommended dose. I’m sensitive to medications due to being hypothyroid, so it was probably just as well. In late August, I had taken two online depression test which both came back ‘moderate depression’. Disclaimer – Use these tests only for a marker and not as an actual diagnosis. The one I put weight on is the “Psychology Today” depression test because there are 120 questions meaning it’s more in depth and is put out there by a reputable magazine. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/health/depression-test. If you take the test and score within a certain range, they will suggest you see your doctor. Please do so, especially if it’s serious.

But anyway, the first two of the six steps I put into place was taking Omega 3’s daily (accidentally 1/2 dose) and at least 30 minutes of vigorous cardio (brisk walking/jog – for me) three times a week. When I took the one test at http://www.psycom.net on 8/31/2018, it showed me at moderate depression. The Psychology Today test I took that day showed me the same results. Ever since I was actually diagnosed with depression at age 35, I’ve used these marker tests to just gauge if I needed to see my doctor and/or therapist. In all honesty, looking back, I’ve struggled with depression from childhood until just recently. That’s around forty years of my life.

A few weeks after starting the two steps of Dr. Ilardi’s book, my depression for the Psycom.net test dropped to minimal depression. It had never been that low. ‘Mild depression’ had been the lowest. Same with the Psychology Today test. I retook that test as well and for the first time ever, it came up with a score of “12” in a scale of 0-100. The higher the score, the more you rated on the depression scale. The words “You show absolutely no signs of depression” underneath my 11/25/2018 score shocked me.

Now six weeks in, I’ve added another one of Dr. Ilardi’s steps where you stop your tendency to ruminate about things in your life, especially negative ones. I’m still working on this because it really is a bad habit especially of those who have been struggling with depression for a long time. You catch yourself doing it and distract yourself or tell yourself to stop, focusing your attention on something positive. It’s that proverbial snowball turning into an avalanche kind of things. Starts small but takes on a life of its own.

The other step I added is light exposure especially in winter. Though I have yet to order the light box he recommends, but I’ve been wearing my sunglasses less right now during these bleaker Ohio winter months. I wouldn’t recommend this mid-day in summer, but right now sunlight is at a premium. And it seems to boost my mood as well. We spend so much time indoors but our eyes/body/brains need some sun. He explains it in his book.

So today I took the Psychology Today depression test again. I scored a 12 on 11/25 and today, 12/22, the day after the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, I scored a 3! These steps are working! I’m not even full into them or even taking the full dose of Omega’s 3’s yet and the difference is staggering. I can’t wait to write Dr. Ilardi and tell him. Along with a string of ‘thank you, thank you, thank you, bless you’. I feel like a different person.

Okay I’m going to take the smaller quiz from Psycom.net and see what it says. Hold on I’ll be right back…. NO DEPRESSION!

The first time ever it said that. Even back in 11/25 it came up ‘minimal depression’. Amazing. I was skeptical about The Depression Cure and I receive no money or benefit for recommending this book or to view the TED talk at least. I just want people suffering from this shitty, time-stealing mental illness to at least explore the steps outlined in the book. Fish oil isn’t hugely expensive and I buy huge bottles of it at Sam’s for less than $20. I don’t even eat fish or like the taste but I don’t get the burps, etc. from it. I really thing the Omega-3’s has been the key component in my recovery. The other steps have also helped but Dr. Ilardi explains in scientific terms why we have too many Omega 6’s in our diets and not enough Omega 3’s.

If I knew this back when I was a teenager or young adult, how my life might have been different. Depression has robbed me of motivation, confidence, happiness, and time. So much time. I’ve been beating myself up about not following my dreams. Earlier this year, I gave up on writing a fiction novel after not hearing back from the first and only publisher I sent it to. I self-published it and didn’t even promote my book. Now, I’m totally rewriting it, using a different format and really working at. Crafting. The story and making sure every sentence is my best. Before I was just worried about getting the word count where I wanted it and just getting done.

That’s what depression does, it steals the joy out of your life. It robs you of enjoyment when you do the things you love. It puts you in a grey cloud bubble where you stalk around the house feeling put upon, sad, despondent and worthless. Then you turn around and beat yourself up for being that way. But it’s a chemical imbalance of some sort. It’s physiological and not just psychological. I’m not a doctor but it’s explained more in the book.

Please check out this book. I’m cautious to say I’m ‘cured’ because I’m always a little skeptical but right at this moment, I’m for the first time in many, many years, actually decades, not depressed and life is so much better. I feel like a new person. My life feels like a new life and nothing really has changed. I’ve already put 20k words down in my novel rewrite but most importantly, I’m enjoying writing again. I’ve even rewritten half of the first chapter. Tomorrow I’m going to sit down and edit the third and fourth chapters.

The crazy thing is when I would try to edit before when I was depressed, I would get upset at myself, think I completely suck and give up for awhile. Now, I see where something might not flow very well or I wrote a crappy paragraph but instead of giving up, I just fix it and go on. I don’t berate myself and tell myself ‘You’re a miserable writer, you suck.” I just fix it. I don’t quit, I don’t even want to quit. That’s such a strange feeling. But again, it makes me a little sad thinking of all I’ve lost out on in my life because of depression.

I’m even excited for the new year. I’m excited for today and tomorrow. I’m actually excited about things again, anything. I’ve been living in this dull grey existence for so long. I attributed it to middle age. Been there done that, nothing is thrilling or exciting anymore. Again, here is where depression was robbing me of my enjoyment of life. Yes, I’ve experienced a lot in my life but there is so much more out there I haven’t. A few months ago, I had 0 desire to explore or find new things. Today, I can’t wait to find new adventures. Night and day. Crazy isn’t it?

Well, I have already gone on enough about this new change in my life. I truly am going to write Dr. Ilardi a letter, some fan mail. Thank you for dedicating your time and energy into this research! And if you’re suffering from depression, check out this book and of course if you are in a doctor or therapist’s care, please talk to them before making any changes. If you decide to try The Depression Cure‘s six steps, I’d love to hear from you on your results. I pray they are as dramatic and positive as mine.

Xoxoxox – so much love to my fellow depression sufferers…

Laura

Winter Dream

Winter Dream

By

Laura M Heffner

December 10, 2018

The snow and cold hushed nature,

The sun brightened her with a sparkling crown,

Trails were magical and empty,

Barely a soul to be found.

The air, sharp and sweet,

The only sound, made by my own feet,

Winter spun her magic,

In which I feel free

No worries, no troubles, no demands,

A moment in which,

It is only me…

Adventure Hike – John Bryan State Park/Clifton Gorge Loop

Hike Length: Approximately 5 miles

Hike Difficulty: Moderate – rocks, hills, not level surface, can be muddy. Easy – For fit and seasoned hikers. Caution – There are hazardous cliffs in both parks, so be careful and watch the kiddos. People have fallen to their deaths esp in snowy/icy conditions

Facilities: Multiple pit toilets in John Bryan, nature center (check website for when open), rustic campground in John Bryan, mountain bike trails, day lodge

Note: Pets are allowed in John Bryan but not Clifton Gorge so to do this loop, you can’t take pets but there is plenty of hiking in John Bryan to enjoy with your doggo(s).

Websites: http://parks.ohiodnr.gov/johnbryan

http://naturepreserves.ohiodnr.gov/cliftongorge

Late November, we got some warm weather for our part of Ohio and ventured out to John Bryan State Park which is located which is east of Dayton near the eclectic town of Yellow Springs. Clifton Gorge State Nature Preserve is situated as JB’s east neighbor. We did an approximately 5-mile loop starting at western parking lot at the point marked U on their trail maps. Drive into the park and pass the park office. At the fork, turn left and the very first drive on the right, take this into a wooded parking area.

In roughly the south east corner, there is a trailhead leading down to the North Rim Trail. Turn left (there is a small section that leads down to the stagecoach trail that is the actual start of the North Rim Trail but you will need to walk up or down to the trail start as there is not parking at the start, but it is a short walk. The trail winds through honeysuckle and trees. Along the way there are several wooden deck overlooks that in the winter, you can see down below. As you go along, you will notice along the cliff edges that there are metal hooks which people use for climbing and rappelling in the John Bryan section of the hike.

North Rim Trail

The trail meanders up and down the rolling land including several bridge crossings. We found some of the bridges to have some give and therefore went one person at a time just to be cautious.

Crossing a bridge on North Rim trail

Eventually, you cross into Clifton Gorge State Nature Preserve with a warning regarding the hazardous cliffs. As mentioned above, watch your kids, don’t be stupid and fall to your death. Be particularly careful with snow and icy conditions. Again no pets are allowed in the Gorge though I’ve seen people ignore this rule. There are several spurs off to your right that head to the trail below but stay on this trail until you come to a wooden fence on your right that leads to a clearing with a porta-potty and the nature center.

At this point you can continue on the trail passing the wooden steps leading down all the way to trails end which is a parking area on the west side of the small town of Clifton. Clifton Mill situated in the center of town is famous for it’s holiday light display (fee charged) as well as a restaurant and gift shop all year around (https://cliftonmill.com/). But for this loop, head down the steep wooden steps to the Little Miami River. Note: the lower portion of this loop is a bit more challenging so if you need less challenging, simply turn around and return to your vehicle.

Little Miami River

When you reach the trail, you are now on the John L Rich Trail. At this point if there has been rain you will find a lot of muddy areas. The trail winds around the trees, cliffs, rocks and boulders. Again you will find wooden deck overlooks as well. In the spring, this lower trail is a wonderful place to find wildflowers. Soon you will come to a small waterfall which there is more steps leading up to several small overlook decks weaving around the boulders.

There are plenty of cliffs and even some small cave areas to explore. This is our favorite part of the loop even though it can be the most challenging. The river will run into rapids at times and you feel as if you’ve been transported into another world. This is usually cooler than the upper trail in the summer.

When you exit Clifton Gorge, there will be a bridge over the Little Miami on your right and then a trail back up on your right, this is a rocky and steep climb. You can go back up here and rejoin the North Rim Trail or keep going straight along the river. This trail is now the Pittsburgh-Cincinnati Trail and will end at the road. There is a metal gate but if you look to the right, there will be a trail scrambling back up the slope that will take you back to the parking lot and add a little more length to the loop.

Due to the muddy conditions, we went up the rocky incline at the bridge and back onto the North Rim Trail and retraced our steps back to the car.

Some considerations, the trails will be very busy in the summer and especially on the weekends. I prefer to hike during winter and early spring (not when it is icy) to avoid people. There are a lot of trail runners who use these trails so don’t be surprised if someone runs up behind you. This is always a gorgeous hike when the fall colors are at peak. John Bryan is one of my favorite state parks with plenty of picnic tables, some playground areas, excellent and well maintained mountain bike trails which are good for beginners, the campground is open year around and there is a day lodge you can rent.

A few of my favorite places around the area:

Yellow Springs: http://www.yellowspringsohio.org/

Young’s Jersey Dairy (can be very busy): https://youngsdairy.com/

Till the next hike, get out there!