(Insert scream here) – I’ve gone back to college for the third time. In 1989, I graduated with a Medical Assisting Diploma (that the college had promised would be an Associate’s program before my first year was up – but NOPE). In 2006, I started on again and off again online classes through a local two-year college and over ten years of quitting and restarting, I finally graduated with my Associate’s of Applied Busines or AAB which sounds super fancy (yet isn’t). This I graduated from two years after my mom passed away in honor of her.
When I got an actual degree and a few letters behind my name for my work email signature, I thought, there, a degree, that’s enough. Yet here I am, three years later starting back up going after my BS degree through more online classes. It took me applying to several colleges but I found one that wasn’t going to make me take a ton of classes and hours as well as several what I’d call repeat classes they didn’t make my co-worker who graduated from the same program at the same time take – he got credit and I didn’t – WTF (Colorado State – I’m calling you out). I don’t care if the class was the next level up, I was not doing another Microeconomics class especially when I’m not an Economics major.
However, I do have to take Algebra and Statistics – GASP! I barely passed alegebra in high school 30+ years ago. I sailed through my orientation class they force you to take even though I’ve been in school oh, about half of my life. The first week of Algebra, I was almost in panicked tears. Algebra isn’t my jam. It’s not that I’m stupid about math, my brain just has a hard time wrapping itself around things that don’t make a lot of sense. I spent HOURS and hours that first week working through problems via their online software that tests and helps you through everything you need to know. This means if you don’t get it, you have to do a lot of the same thing which I guess is good. But I made it harder on myself because I didn’t read all the textbook sections assigned so I was clueless. Good job, Laura, handicap yourself right out of the gate.
So, now, I do the textbook reading first, then jump into the homework. Today I drove over an hour to get a book – TI-84 Plus for Dummies because I have never even touched a graphing calculator. A have a scientific one that I can use on the paper tests but the homework started with using a graphing calculator which I had borrowed from my daughter’s girlfriend (thanks!). But I had no idea how to really use it even after the lesson instructed me, I could get it to work on the online graphing calculator because I got specific instructions, but the same didn’t work on this real life calculator. So here I am, closing in on my 50th birthday learning how to use a graphing calculator. I had asked my husband and he said he used graph paper, aka the old fashioned way. Since my first test is a week away and he’s traveling for business, my butt was in the car going to the only bookstore that had this in stock.
Though I’m a little worried I won’t pull a high enough grade to keep up my GPA and still get employer tuition reimbursement, I’m working super hard on relearning algebra and actually, to be honest, I’m learning stuff that I just guessed at when I was in high school. I get all excited when it finally makes sense and I no longer feel like a math failure. It’s not that I’m not smart enough to learn it, it’s that it’s hard and I have a tendency to want to gloss over hard things. I want it to be easy like most things are for me. Give me an English class and a term paper over an algebra quiz any day. Where some people freeze up on having to write papers, I revel in it. While I struggle with slope-intercept form.
I’ve created a life that is consistent and easy to an extent. I’ve struggled most of my life so it has felt good to just coast along. I’ve worked for the same company for over 21 years. I’ve been in my current position for 13 of those years. I shy away from change and new things. Maybe this is part of getting older but I think it’s also the fact that I got burned out by my turbulent life. Now that it isn’t turbulent, I’ve been coasting. But I’ve also been bored shitless. Without challenging myself, even though it’s scary AF, I’ve made my life mundane. I sit around and ponder why my life doesn’t seem to have meaning which is not really the issue. My life doesn’t have positive challenges. I’ve had so many negative challenges, that I shut off the good ones too. I”ve cocooned myself into a bunch of fluffy nothingness and then whine about how I’m bored or don’t have enough to do or whatever it is.
I’d gotten stuck in the idea that I had to accomplish something huge when really all I need to do is challenge myself. As much as I tell myself I hate algebra, it’s bothered me for years that I never really learned parts of it that my friends seemed to get. Now I’m going to learn how to use a graphing calculator which wasn’t a thing when I was in high school. And I’ve stopped worrying about my age. When I first started participating in my class discussions and projects, I was terrified I’m the oldest one. And usually I am but there’s quite a few people right in my age group and no ones gives a flying F. It’s fun to have so many different ages and backgrounds around me even if it’s online. I find it interesting that in the weekly “Meet” sessions for my algebra class, it’s the females that are ringing out the answers and solutions more so than the males. That’s a shift from when I was in school. Losing the girls aren’t good at math and sciences mentality is awesome.
Well it’s getting late, my eyes hurt from staring at a book and screen most of the evening and trying to read that tiny writing on that calculator (thank you readers!). I’ve got a full day of work tomorrow and more homework to tackle. Onward and upward!